My fellow Vaudevillians,
Following the extraordinary success of the Cradle To Grave tour I was asked to reconsider my initial statement that I would never undertake such a venture again. The applause of the public can be a seductive narcotic and weaker souls than I would be tempted to repeat the thrills harvested during that ‘uproarious whirligig of joy’ simply to bolster their already outsized egos. After much reflection I have decided that I cannot allow such rampant narcissism to cloud my judgment. I said ‘one farewell’ tour’ and I meant ‘one farewell tour’. There will be no more.
Therefore I am pleased to announce that, to mark this momentous decision, I will be embarking on a nationwide, high-principled, peppy series of one-night-stands calling at dozens of theatres around the country starting in May 2018.